Imposing rules on kids, whether you are the first mother or the other mother, can be as difficult as getting Girl Scout cookies to last more than three days in your snack cabinet. The rules that can present the biggest challenge to "stick" with kids are those related to manners. When teaching manners in an every other weekend capacity especially, it is nearly impossible to get quick results. This is why consistency and a proven technique was key for us.
I cannot count the number of times I told TJ or Tia to say "please" and "thank you" and to put their napkins on their lap. I was convinced TJ would end up the frat boy who only had a wardrobe of spaghetti sauce-stained-t-shirts and that Tia would end up using her napkin as a Kleenex at the table on a date. Thankfully, today, neither of these premonitions has come to fruition. They dutifully place napkins on laps and say "please" and "thank you" like it is their job and have for years. This is because of one simple thing - the five minute rule. To this day they remember it and they swear it worked. In fact, they are the ones who said I "just had to write" this post.
Now, the five minute rule has nothing to do with eating food off of the floor (which incidentally does not exist on the streets of NYC unless you want typhoid), it is simply about not giving or doing something your kids want for five minutes unless they do what is expected of them.
For example, if you buy ice cream for them and they don't say please to have it or thank you for it, you say, "five minute rule". They will likely ask what that means and you explain. They know they are expected to be polite and since they forgot, they have to wait five minutes for what they want. The reason this works is because they spend the five minutes like little pots of boiling pasta where the heap of foam on the water is riding the edge of the rim without boiling over. For that period, they are thinking about the five minute rule and only the five minute rule. They want what you have so badly they are literally counting down and damning the five minute rule with every second that passes. The best part of the five minute rule is that it prevents meltdowns and tantrums. It is a punishment yes, but one that fits the crime versus hearing a clear "no" for not being polite.
So, maybe the ice cream is a bad example because on a hot day, five minutes will equate to a puddle of something that used to be ice cream, but it pretty much works for anything. For the napkin example, the kids knew what was expected of them when they sat at the table. Napkin on lap first. If they didn't do it, they waited five minutes to eat. After about three times, they didn't do it anymore.
A simple tip with kid-validated, proven efficacy! I only wish it worked on every adult in my life who has an issue with manners!
Leave a comment and share what tricks work for you!
To reach me for questions, to provide suggestions for new posts or just to chat, email me at othermotherblog@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you.